No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
