I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
