new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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