you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
