Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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