i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
