We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
