Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
