3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
too bad you live with your parents still
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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