He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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