Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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