when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
