how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize