I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize