Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
