just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
