We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
