things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
