I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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