no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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