What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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