As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
