I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize