Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
