If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
