so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
