My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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