I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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