do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm too high and old for this...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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