Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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