So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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