What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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