He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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