Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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