I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
