Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
