I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
