What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
