I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
