Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
