so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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