I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
