New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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