I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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