I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
