I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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