After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
