did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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