I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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