If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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