i think my tv is drunk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
