I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
