Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
