Hey man sorry I got all grabby
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
