New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
