I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
