girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
