he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
