they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize