Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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