Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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