If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
