drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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