Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize