just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
