She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
